I can’t believe an Adele song could match up with an event in my life, but alas, IT HAS. 

It’s not even remotely relevant at this moment, but when it happened in April I didn’t even consider it.

My very first love, “Barca”, We made a promise years ago that when I turned 18, we would find a way to each other. After I left El Salvador for the first time, I never took it seriously.. 

After so many occasions of meeting again and again, I had the thought it could happen after I graduated high school (after a breakup with my high school sweetheart). I was working so much at that point that I never got a chance to actually go visit. When I did, It was a month after I turned 19, and like a fool I tried to get in contact… We never had a chance to be alone. He never told me he got a new girlfriend, and that they were living together. 

Even though I had prepared for a terrible resolution, I never expected to have zero closure. It never could have worked out, but I always had a tiny hope in the back of my mind that it could. I guess writing this is the only closure I will ever get, but I deserve it.

I will never try to take it as a negative thing because I find now that I have let go of all ties to my past - I have so much room for the future. So much room for the love I never thought I could feel again. I have never been this comfortable, so happy with one man. He somehow fits into every part of my life, and into every part of my day. I am such a fucked up, angry, selfish and crazy jealous human being - and he just looks right past it, right into my eyes, and calls bullshit. He knows how to talk to me. He knows that I am never as mad as I seem. He knows that I am stubborn but am so easily defeated by his smile. 

I am so in love, I don’t know what to do with myself. Every love before seems so minuscule to what I feel for him. There is no jealousy because I know he is mine and he knows I’m his. There is no true anger because from the second I wake up next to him we are laughing our asses off, we are having conversations about anything that comes to mind and enjoying each other in every way two people can. 

The song so clearly states, that “I will find someone like you”, but I have found someone that surpasses all and everything that my first or second love could ever have been. I found someone NOTHING like you, and I have never been happier.